Quote of the week by Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963)

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. "

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Completion of a Couple

by Charlie Phillips

    I don’t believe that man or woman was meant to be alone. I believe that neither is complete until they become one. Most of us though never become complete, because our pride gets in the way. We always want to make sure we are the winner, when in fact; becoming the winner means we all lose. Why don’t we go back to the way we as a couple were at the beginning? Or maybe lets take it a step further. How about if we look at it from both sides and find out what will make us as a couple the winners. To be able to do this the couple has to decide and work toward the good of the whole instead of the individual. At that point the couple will be on a path few have traveled, but many have wished for. Instead of just wishing to be on that path, why not walk it.

    Maybe the reason we don’t walk it is we really don’t want to let go of our preconceived notion of who we are. One of the problems I think is we are always looking at it from our own personal point of view. What would happen if we tried looking at it from the other person’s point of view? Same problem would probably look completely different. To take it a step further how about a couple looking at it from their point of view. What if we actually tried to solve the problem for the benefit of the couple, instead of our personal viewpoint? This of course is assuming that you actually want to improve your relationship.

    That brings up the question why did you become a couple. Was it because you were lonely, convenience, or was it love? If it was love, why have you stopped growing as a couple? It is probably a sense of false pride, that won’t allow us to see anything but our own concerns. I believe that if a couple makes the decision to work toward their own completion, they can put aside these personal concerns. Granted this will have to be the goal of both in the relationship.

    As a couple you have your mate, your soul mate, or your husband/wife which every connotation you want to use, but what if instead we considered them our God/Goddess? If we were to use this phraseology would that make us stop and think of how we treat each other. Would you make a stinging remark to you God/Goddess? To make that commitment means we have to trust our partner completely and both have to want to work to the goal of having a loving and harmonious relationship. Isn’t this the real reason we became a couple? If not then you probably belong in the just exist column. Assuming that it was love that brought you together, why do we drift apart? Was it because you were afraid to give in because that might make you the loser or weaker one?

    For a couple to be complete and growing together can be rather scary for those of us that have been around the block a time or two. To become complete we have to surrender and that goes against all that we have been taught. What if both partners could surrender for the good of the whole, would it be worth it? Do you think that having a partner that makes you stronger, and is surrendering to you while your surrendering to him/her, might just be worth the journey? What if that journey included the love you had in the beginning? It could grow even deeper than what brought you together. It seems to me that this should be the goal of every couple.

    The other part of all this surrender is communication. If you can’t discuss things and I mean all things how are you ever going to be complete? If you have a secret desire how can that desire ever be fulfilled? Your partner is not a mind reader and neither are you, so if you can’t discuss everything it means you are keeping a secret from the other. Talking is important, but there are two sides to communication and the other is listening. Often we are so busy trying to get our own point across that we don’t even hear what the other one is saying. Most of that, I believe, is our ego getting in the way wanting to be the superior one. If we can surrender and put our ego aside we can become complete and in that completion will emerge two people who are capable of achieving a level of love and understanding that most can’t even dream about.

    If and when a couple can make this completion we can begin to forget about the notion that one or the other is getting the upper hand. Each one has strength’s the other doesn’t but when they work together the combined strength is greater than they would ever have as an individual. I have use the word completion in regards to a couple, but in truth we should never consider ourselves complete, because life is a continued learning experience and the couple that learns and grows together will come close to being complete, while others will just exist.

Charlie