Quote of the week by Confucius

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. "

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The Weaker Sex

by Charlie Phillips

    I have thought about this fallacy of the weaker sex for quite sometime. If you grew up in the last half of the twentieth century, you have been subject to the notion that women are the weaker sex. For the most part men are physically stronger, but is that what that really means? It is said that if men had to bear every other child in a marriage that the maximum family size would be three children. So how do we rate this thing called the weaker sex?

    The root cause of the problem, that one is the weaker sex, might be that we really don’t want to let go of our preconceived notion of who we are. That brings up the question why did you become a couple. Was it because you were lonely, convenience, or was it love? If it was love, why have you stopped growing as a couple? It is probably a sense of false pride, that won’t allow us to see anything but our own concerns. I believe that if a couple makes the decision to work toward their own completion, they can put aside these personal concerns. Granted this will have to be the goal of both in the relationship.
 
    If and when a couple can make this completion we can begin to forget about which is the weaker sex, because the truth is neither. Each one has strength’s the other doesn’t but when they work together the combined strength is greater than they would ever have as an individual. I have used the word completion in regards to a couple, but in truth we should never consider ourselves complete, because life is a continued learning experience and the couple that learns and grows together will come close to being complete, while others will just exist.

    Where does the weaker sex aspect of this come in? If you start looking into ancient religions you realize that there was a lot more respect for the women than what we are led to believe in modern times. They held the woman up as a priestess. She had a lot more respect than modern religion gives to the woman. The underlying theme is that her power was not complete until she also had a King. Together they had power; individually their powers were limited. Could this modern view of the woman being the weaker sex be a myth propagated by some of the good old boys? They don’t want to relinquish their power seat and if they admitted that the woman wasn’t weaker they might not be able to hold their power. We can see that this is the case in some modern religions.

    For a couple to be complete and growing together can be rather scary for those of us that have been around the block a time or two. To become complete we have to surrender and that goes against all that we have been taught. What if both partners could surrender for the good of the whole, would it be worth it? Do you think that having a partner that makes you stronger, and is surrendering to you while your surrendering to him/her, might just be worth the journey? What if that journey included the love you had in the beginning? It could grow even deeper than what brought you together. It seems to me that this should be the goal of every couple.

    The other part of all this surrender is communication. If you can’t discuss things and I mean all things how are you ever going to be complete? If you have a secret desire how can that desire ever be fulfilled? Your partner is not a mind reader and neither are you, so if you can’t discuss everything it means you are keeping a secret from the other. Talking is important, but there are two sides to communication and the other is listening. Often we are so busy trying to get our own point across that we don’t even hear what the other one is saying. Most of that, I believe, is our ego getting in the way wanting to be the superior one. If we can surrender and put our ego aside we can become complete and in that completion will emerge two people who are capable of achieving a level of love and understanding that most can’t even dream about.

    Some men say that women just want to control us, and have no respect for men as a person. Whereas some of those same men talk about women and they have very little respect for the woman. Who is right? There are some women that want to dominate and some men that figure a woman is only good for one thing. That is really a sad situation, but it is only a couple of scenarios. I am not even going to try address the couples that are not in a harmonious relationship, but are satisfied with that relationship. One of the problems I think is we are always looking at it from our own personal point of view. What would happen if we tried looking at it from the other person’s point of view? Same problem would probably look completely different. To take it a step further how about a couple looking at it from their point of view. What if we actually tried to solve the problem for the benefit of the couple, instead of our personal viewpoint? This of course is assuming that you actually want to improve your relationship.

    I think this is where we have missed the boat. We are so hung up on being the one in the right that we lose sight of the fact that we should solve whatever this problem is as a couple. This is easier said than done. Early on in a relationship we are trying to please the other one so we give in to his/her wishes. Later on we start worrying that the other one is taking advantage of us, or we just don’t worry about pleasing them as much as we did in the beginning. This is probably just a fact of human nature. So do we have to accept that or can we do something about it? Have you ever seen the couple that has been married for forty plus years, yet she still slides over next to him when they get into the car, or they openly hold hands or hug in public. Do you look at that and think why don’t I have that, or do you figure that one of them is dominating the other? I think if we are honest with ourselves we are just a little jealous. Or could it be that we are afraid that if we show some emotion in public, that there maybe some friend that would think we are weak? A true friend would never think that and we are the weak one, because we can’t be open with our emotions, especially if it is love.

    As a couple you have your mate, your soul mate, or your husband/wife which every connotation you want to use, but what if instead we considered them our God/Goddess? If we were to use this phraseology would that make us stop and think of how we treat each other. Would you make a stinging remark to you God/Goddess? To make that commitment means we have to trust our partner completely and both have to want to work to the goal of having a loving and harmonious relationship. Isn’t this the real reason we became a couple? If not then you probably belong in the just exist column. Assuming that it was love that brought you together, again I’ll ask why do we drift apart? Was it because you were afraid to give in because that might make you the weaker sex?

    I don’t believe that man or woman was meant to be alone. I believe that neither is complete until they become one. Most of us though never become complete, because our pride gets in the way. We always want to make sure we are the winner, when in fact; becoming the winner means we all lose. Why don’t we go back to the way we as a couple were at the beginning? Or maybe lets take it a step further. How about if we look at it from both sides and find out what will make us as a couple the winners. To be able to do this the couple has to decide and work toward the good of the whole instead of the individual. At that point the couple will be on a path few have traveled, but many have wished for. Instead of just wishing to be on that path, why not walk it.

Charlie